Addiction can impact anyone: our parents, partners, children, siblings and friends. The disease is often frustrating and isolating for their loved ones. So when an addict seeks treatment it may seem like the hard part is over…. After all, some people take years to reach that point.

But the process of getting help for addiction can have a complex effect on relationships. Here are three things family and friends of recovering addicts should know:

 

1. They’re Just As Scared As You Are

Being close to someone with addiction often means living in Crisis Mode. Dealing with injuries and overdose, evasiveness and mood swings, lies and conflicts. Their loved ones certainly have good reasons to be anxious. But addicts in recovery also feel frightened and overwhelmed. They may be afraid of relapse, or facing up to past actions, or living without their substance/behavioural crutch.

Encouragement goes a long way. You can tell them you’re proud they went to rehab or therapy, or celebrated an Abstinence Milestone. But letting addicts openly discuss their fears promotes honesty. Allow them to share their doubts. Understand that attempting recovery takes courage. Freedom to express true feelings helps both of you stay connected, and potentially rebuild trust and intimacy.

 

2. The Best Way To Look After Them Is To Look After Yourself

For those invested in their loved one’s recovery this can be hard to accept. But much as we want an addict to get well, we are not in control of the process — only our own actions and choices.

Trying too hard to influence someone else’s healing journey can be counterproductive, and emotionally draining. The first priority of parents and partners of addicts should be their own mental and physical well-being, and setting firm boundaries. In practice this means resisting the urge to enable them, bargain with them, or interfere with their treatment.

Trusting doctors, counsellors or rehabilitation programs with the welfare of your sick loved one doesn’t just benefit the addict… It can ease some of the pressure off you. Remember to take a step back and focus on your own health and happiness. Reach out to friends and have a support system for yourself. Because strong people are better at managing recovering addicts. But more importantly, because your needs matter too.

 

3. Prepare For Unexpected Changes

People in treatment for addiction and mental illness can reclaim their lives, but returning to normal sometimes means creating a New Normal . Don’t be surprised if recovering addicts explore new interests, activities or spiritual beliefs. Perhaps they’ll become less talkative, or more chatty and passionate. They might spend more time with new groups of people. It’s important not to take these changes personally.

Be accepting as your loved one discovers their new identity, because staying clean and sober often means developing radically different priorities and approaches to life. Perhaps your relationship dynamic won’t be quite the same as before, but new beginnings can be a beautiful thing. Stay open-minded and enjoy the ride.